Event Details

PRIOR TO THE EVENT

Common Coeur (CC) takes place on zoom, so please make sure you have zoom downloaded, updated, and you are logged in. This event requires you to be logged into a zoom account. Before joining the event, take a few minutes to add your pronouns to your name (it's easiest to do by logging into zoom on the web and editing it there).

Allow 90 minutes for the event. CC is about connecting with others in an authentic, meaningful way, so find a quiet place where you can be alone, free from distractions, and able to focus on your conversation for the entire event. Here are some other logistics suggestions:

  • If you can, use a headset with a mic for your audio, this will make for a better audio experience for both of you.

  • If you can, use a computer for the meeting. If you're holding the phone in front of you, it will be tiring for you, and nauseating for your partner. This will also free up your phone to read the questions off of.

  • Put your camera at eye level - this will mean the person can look you in your eyes, rather than up your nose.

  • Use a space with good lighting (lights behind your camera lighting you is ideal). It would be delightful if the person you're talking with could see your face and gesticulations.


DURING THE EVENT

During CC you will be randomly placed in a breakout room for 20 minutes with another person for one-on-one conversations. During this time, you will be provided a link to a curated question generator that can be pulled up on your phone or computer. These questions are meant to act as a starting point for meaningful conversation, or a boost to a conversation that is naturally winding down - this is not an interview where you are splitting the time allotted, nor are you trying to make it through all of the questions.

After the 20 minutes are up, we bring everyone back into the room, check in on everyone, and then do this two more times with different people.

BOUNDARIES

Part of the challenge connecting with strangers is not knowing where boundaries lie. Add to that the social dynamics and baggage we carry, and we might not feel we're allowed to set boundaries during a conversation. Your boundaries are valid and respected at CC. If you don't like where a conversation is headed, let the person know that's all your care to say on that topic. If you'd like to skip a question (or start a new one to change the subject), anyone can do so at any time. Some phrases you could use include:

  • Let's skip this one, I’d rather choose another question.

  • I’m not comfortable sharing that.

  • I'd like to change topics

If someone does set a boundary, affirm their decision and move on. It's quite brave and considerate of them to set that boundary.

THOUGHTS ON MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS

I once heard a suggestion that I liked - there are no such things as boring story tellers, just boring listeners. You are curating their story. Here are things to keep in mind during the event:

  • Open ended questions (those that don't elicit a yes/no answer) are key to keeping the conversation going. A thoughtful question will go a long way, and specificity is your friend; a broad question will likely welcome a short answer with a lack of direction - unless you're with a talker.

  • Ask sensory questions (What did that smell like? What was the first thing you saw when…). Not only does this help you ask a specific question, but senses are some of our best triggers for memory.

  • Inquire about their feelings, either then, or now looking back. This will often get us to the deeper connections we’re looking for. Though not everyone is comfortable doing this.

  • Repetitive questions can sometimes make either person feel self-conscious. Am I being too intrusive? Why do I feel like I'm being interrogated? One way to mix it up is to inquire with a statement that invites the person to dig deeper. This could look like "I'd love to hear more about....", or "That sounds scary/awesome/frustrating/enlightening!"

  • If you’re worried you may be talking too much. You might be. Don’t stress about it too much, though. Do you feel both of you are engaged? That’s what’s most important.